Ok so i know it has been like 10000000000000000 years since i have written, and really its not for lack of drama in my life......If anything, the drama in my life has just intensified......so much going on....life, love and laughter......and lack of it.....What is this life really all about.....It has produced some very interesting creative things out of me,..which is cool,...its great that hardship and pain,...frustration and unhappiness, can breed such beautiful art out of one. I have written a few poems i shall post.....tell me what u think!!

~On the Outside~

Your on the outside of my circle

But your still looking in

From the outside of my circle

Turning your nose down on my sin

Your on the outside of my window

throwing rocks to cast your blame

and from the outside of my circle

casting words of guilt and shame

Don't step another step closer

Your not welcome in my home

stay on the outside of my circle

leave me free to think and roam

Its not a smile that i ask for

or a fake hello and hi

Its not a hug or kiss like Judas

Just let me free to fly

You crushed the inside of my spirit

and bruised the outside of my skin

Stay on the outside of my circle

You are not welcome in.

~Your Face ~

your eyes speak to me

they say a thousand words

your eyes whisper to me

i feel that burning pulse

Your smile embraces me

This empty room feels full

Your smile tells me many desires

Smiling right into my soul

Unexplainable desire

without a spoken word

Your face speaks

Even if your mouth is closed.

HEART OF STONE

Do you long for the day

When u truly know love

When your smile is real

When your broken heart heals

Do you sometimes feel

Like lifes run away

With your heart and your soul

And its taking its toll

Where did she go

Has she found a new home

Where she is embraced

And sees love face to face

Where have you gone

Did you feel all alone

Did you lose what was home

Did you hang up the phone

What will you do

Will you go where you feel

That your beauty is real

And your passion reveals

Whats inside

How does it happen

That you wandered so far

Did it fall from the sky

Those tears that you cry

When will it be

That you know you are held

That your hearts still around

It doesnt need to be found

This ache this feeling is something one cant bare alone

This heart this bleeding if left alone will turn to stone

So dont leave her here

Dont leave her all alone

Been thinking today and feel challeneged everyday to be a better mommy to my babies....Its a scary thought i recently had , that Raven will be going to school in the fall and it breaks my heart that i haven't been what i could be to him.

He is such a brilliant boy with so much amazing attributes about him,...he is sensitive and sweet and has the most wild and crazy imagination, he is creative and loving and has the hugest heart for people.

My Jazmyn is the most energetic, beautiful and humerous girl,..she is atristic and strong and has a fire in here shoes.

I have WONDERFUL amazing kids, though sometimes i forget, and a day will go by where i haven't told them how great they really are,...or worse,..days go by where i don't show them how awesome i really think they are.

God, please give me the strength and wisdom to be a good mom to love my kids with my whole heart and to show them the depth of that love.

My heart aches

for you i ache

for you i weep

for you i hold onto eternity!

http://pajamamomma.org/forums/index.php?act=idx

This is my new drug of choice LOL!! JK

I have joined a lovely forum with lovely ladies all on the same or similar journey as me....

Being a mum isn't easy but when u have a support system of woman who are in the same boat as you and can encourage you to go foward it makes it so much easier!!

Life has been crazy,.. Lots of excitement around these parts, with the band having an album under way,...the beginning of a crazy road!!!! Jobie just got a new job but we all know its temporary,...i feel excitement in my bones...its this crazy waiting game right now and it feels like life is up in the air half the time,...but i am sure we wouldn't have it any other way....this IS who we are!!

I watched WALK THE LINE lastnight......JOHNNY CASH is the man!! The MAN IN BLACK!!! Here's to you JOHNNY!!!

It is official....this is the best TV show on the planet....I love it,...i am totally addicted and love all the characters and the build up in all the relationships....the dynamics of the show are just emotionally heartwrenching and have me gripping tightly and not letting go. Its hilarious,..i have a date with my neighbour every sunday night to watch this show LOL....I remember McDreamy from way back in the day he was in a movie called CAN'T  BUY ME LOVE...he was great back then and the movie is still one of my all time faves....NOW look at him....geeeeeeeeeez,...see i know promise when i see it,...same with Sarah Jessica....GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN was and is totally one of my all time faves aswell,...and now look at her.....!!!

I drove by a movie set the other day...and just longed to be the one walking out the trailer and onto the set.....I soooooooooooo want to have the opportunity to do a feature film,...work with amazing producers and directors.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Lord....hear me....this is my hearts' desire!!!

DREAM!!

thats one thing i won't stop doing!

My leenie is absolutely brilliant,..she did these cool avatars...BRAVO sista!!!..I wanna learn how to do them now!!!!..I thought i would post them and show off the lovely art work.

Today was a good day,..productive and good,...my computer was down this morning and it was my saving grace,..it made me realize how much time i waste in the morning...sometimes i literally sit here and don't even do anything....LOL...OMG what is wrong with me,...this morning however,..i cleaned the kitchen and folded and put away laundry,..swept,..fed the kids well,...focused...ate well myself....OK i am making myself sound like a real loser right now,...but i do know that when i feel depressed and low i spend my time poorly,..be it sitting here...or there.....wherever............ I feel on a mission with my life right now, with working out now and really sorting myself mentally,..trying to lower stress levels with simple things like covering my mouth when i need not speak,..or going to bed earlier.....and being consistant in parenting...and consistant with myself.....NOW back to focusing on ACTING...and getting OUT to auditions....HONESTLY...i NEED to get out there,...but i also have to prove to my agent that i am being proactive,...so i am gonna start doing somemore training,..can never excerise those muscles too much....I need new headshots....fresh new looks,...and...to just get out get out get out!!!!!!

I am sooooooo proud of myself.....!!

Today i had it together....(this doesn't happen very often),,..I dropped the kids off at pre-school, and went for a nice brisk walk,..then got my van that my DH left at his workplace,..hopped in and drove straight up to the gym and got myself a 3 month pass!!!WEHOOOOOOOOO!!  After that i went to the grocery store got a few things,...and i have to say,..grocery shopping kid free at 10 AM is GRAND...!!! Seriously quiet and stress free.....i am SOOOOO doing that again!!...........After the shop i stopped in at the Drs. office and made a quick appt. for later on in the day to find out about my bloodwork....which was all btw %100 fine.....I went and grabbed the kids,,.came home and fed the kids lunch and we all got ready for NOBODYS' PERFECT....a parenting group i good to at which i get free childminding for 2 hrs while i learn more about parenting....GOOD DEAL!!!! (gotta love community centres)....AT the Drs. appt. i got to talk to the Dr about my test results and she is hooking me up with an appt. to see a nutritionalist and get my menu sorted so i eat the things that i need for my body and eliminate the things i shouldn't have with hypoglycemia.....(which is what i have btw...)........

I feel good,..like i am getting sorted,...organizing my brain a bit,...being productive and getting things done...LOL....OH,..another thing my DOC said was that the PILL...may NOT be the thing for me...hormonaly and as far as my appetite and need to eat like every 15 to 20 mins......LOL....the pill has done a number on me,...she says its probably best to consider a new contraceptive...lol.....

That is me in a nutshell,...the goings ons in my life to the day,...I am starting to really feel at home with me lately and more comfortable with my life,...working daily at just becoming who i am and the best i can be for my family and close friends......which have to say have been my life line...on all days....good and bad...THANKS LADIES!!!!...and GUYS too....

Thats it for now....I wanna know about you all,..for petes sakes....gimme something to read people!!!!

Presenting....

Whitfield

keep your eyes and ears peeled for these guys....its only the beginning!!!!

go to.. www.whitfieldband.com